Shorts
The summer before my junior year of high school
I did not one,
but two unexpected things that just made me
feel alive.
First
I made myself a pair shorts.
I spent hours cutting
and bleaching a pair jeans
that my mother had long since
discarded in the garage,
and turned them into
A beautiful project
that would soon make me feel like a
woman.
The Second thing I did
during the summer before my junior year of high school
was even more shocking
even more unexpected
than the first.
I wore those shorts out
in public
And for the first time in years
my legs were bare for the world to see.
With no tights to cover
the cellulite but that ran over my thighs,
like lightning strikes
that had etched permanent tattoos into
my skin,
or leggings to reign in the way my flesh
rippled with each timid step I took,
I was exposed.
All day I waited for the
looks and the stares
and the comments
about how I'm to big to wear clothes
like these,
Or how I wasn't
"flattering my shape".
And all day those comments never came.
No one stared at me that day
except for this one boy who I think was actually
flirting with me.
By the time my day was over and everything was winding down
I had forgotten about my fears
and I felt beautiful.
But of course
I'm not allowed to feel beautiful for long.
After the sun when down
and the moon hung heavy in the sky
my Friends and I walked back to our car
And we passed by a group of
high school students
just like us,
Laughing and joking and enjoying
the hot summer night
Just like us.
We said nothing to them
and they said nothing to us
Instead they waited to speak
until we were far enough away
where we could not hear them
at least
that's what they thought.
"Look at that big girl"
one of them said making his whole group of friends laugh
and I knew that they were talking about me.
"You can't just say that"
one of them responded
Trying to muffle her laughs
but he did say it
and you did laugh
and I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.
But instead, I laughed.
I laughed because on that night
during the summer before
my junior year of high school
I realized that I am a big girl.
I laughed because
I deserve to be looked at.
My body is just as attractive
as any of the size 7
skinny jeans wearing girls
who laughed at me
Who mocked me.
My body deserves just as much attention
Maybe even more
I am a big girl.
And I will not cover up
Not for people of this world
who don't realize that shorts are made in a size 18.
Who don't realize that shorts are made for me.
This poem is about:
Me
Our world