all alone 

in this vast

barren house 

I sleep 

I sleep in this house 

that use to be a home for 3 

but now is a house for 1

first to leave 

my brother 

he left to go fight for his country 

who knows when I’ll see him again 

next to leave 

my mother 

she met a man 

again 

but apparently

this time it’s healthy

this time it’s marvelous 

this time he’s the one

apparently 

but she left to play house 

she loathed the 47 miles apart from him

but she was okay 

with the 47 miles cut off from me

her little girl 

left in the dust 

 

all alone 

in this vast

barren house 

I sleep 

but I don’t 

I haven’t really slept in a long time 

my eyes close 

but past memories play on my eyelids like a movie

I beg the credits to role 

I beg the curtains to close 

but they never do

when it’s time for me to sleep 

the picture show of my misery

begins 

 

maybe tonight’s movie 

will be the day I learned 

my family of 5 

would shift

to a broken family 

of 2 and 3 

or maybe 

it will be the first time my moms ex boyfriend 

left his anger in the form 

of a purple hand print 

encompassing her arm 

or maybe 

it will be the second time he did 

or maybe 

it will be the night my first love

ripped my bleeding

throbbing heart 

out my chest 

crushed it in his fist

and left me to drown in my tears 

or maybe 

it will be the day 

my mom moved in with her new 

husband 

the man her youngest child 

was forsaken for 

or maybe I will just free my eyes 

of the black movie screen

but my eyes would open to see that 

I’m supposed to sleep in this vast 

barren house

all alone 

that is when it went from a house for 1 

to a residency of nothing but haunted memories 

because next to leave 

the version of myself

the version of myself

who truly believed 

that I

the broken 

lonesome

spiritless teenager

could ever feasibly 

be happy 

but the child in me 

the one who constantly smiled 

the one who glowed happiness 

the one who had a family

she’s gone