Quiet child

With vibrant mind

That’s what I was

Either taunted or left to be

That was my destiny

I grew up surrounded by people

But always felt alone

 

But wait!

Now someone cares about me!

Talking to me in the halls and smiling profusely

God he’s the love of my life

I will marry him I swear

He’s dating a friend

But it will end

And it does

And I feel bad that I’m happy

But he says he likes me!

The way I want him to!

I must be in a dream

 

And I am

He’s back with her next week

I don’t smile anymore

I feel daggers when he puts his hand on hers

Mine should be there

 

Eighth grade begins

I really don’t want to be here

I sink into darkness

My parents angry that my grades are down

I’ve been down for so long

That I don’t remember up at all

I walk alone in the hall

 

I stand in my kitchen

Pointing the glinty object at my chest

I am so down that it's time to go up

 

Something tells me not to do that

It gives no reason

Yet I still listen

 

And I stay

 

High school begins

And I'm

Cared about?

I am friends with seniors in marching band

And they smile every time they see me!

They hug me and tell me I matter

This is new

And I love it

 

And I realize now

That my first love did care about me

Enough to shove me into lockers so much

That my arm hurt till the next day

Enough to call me ugly and dumb one day

But pretty and funny the next

 

I have grown to realize

That mean words and emotional neglect

Do not deserve my precious time

I remember the girl who couldn't imagine a life for herself

Beyond fourteen years

She is now seventeen and strong