Senior Year's Winter to Spring

This is a mistake

This must be a mistake

People live drowning in useless dandelions

The entirety of everything in the universe is wrong


Scarlett has bleed all over the golden blue

So stay on the phone with me but don’t use bad words

Stolen tissue boxes and non exclusive hugs

You’ve only been a science project this entire time

On algorithmic capitalist checklists, that’s all


In they (and you) there was no fault

Consume, you’re a waterfall

Crushed tostadas under stars in a supermarket parking lot fade away into the wind

Perdoname mama por hacerte llorar

They will fade away

Perdoname papa por todo



Canvases are meant to be used,

Hand mix every oil color you have

Darkest ones stay beneath fingernails the smell of oil will linger for days until it fades,

Eventually it will fade


Dear one week younger self,

All of this is new

We’re becoming more human

Spend time with mom drink tea go outside into new friend’s cars find new love in brown hats time in front of screens cut your hair give hugs not exclusively eat sugar and honey and sunlight purple is there but it is fading

Golden blue existstill

Just slightly newer different foreign shades,

Just hiding behind the gray clouds again.


Two week younger self,

I’m so sorry

There’s no valid excuse for painting the whole thing violet

Same mistake I made last time

Your vessel in ruins, I treated you worse

Stopped working for you stopped watering you

Put a screen in front of you instead of asking what’s wrong


Should have been extra careful in patching up the hole and letting you waterfall

Tuck you in at night and forgive every morning

Give you enough water less screen-time more sleep

No matter what happens, I’m responsible for: you

It’s okay, we will be okay, I’m sorry and I love you

And until we’re better, that’s what I will do today


Two months younger self,

The sun is shining again, I promise

The weather is getting warmer already

I know your heart is broken but mine is healing

There are more schools to love

Surprised, our world is forgiving

Silver glasses on now

but nothing the spring flowers can’t fix

Time with mom time with mirelle

The sun on your hand will help you hold on


Just as ugly songs don’t matter today

ugly emails will stop haunting

to take care of your eyebrows

is all that I ask, besides trying what you can

I’m not sure where we’re going

it’s not where you think, I’m excited


I don’t want us to be upset but keep crying

You’re building me and I'm trying

and I’m quieter now without so much trust

But I continue to love and we’re smiling again

I’m closer to being a full human

This poem is about: 
My family


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