Self(me)

I am stripped down in front of a full length mirror

Face bare of beauty regimens, bra and panties thrown to the floor

My toes flirt with the lace as I watched myself…

There was nowhere to hide.

I watch the rise and fall of my chest and tried to breathe as little as possible to study my heartbeat

I am asking all the essential questions to no one in particular

Who am I? I look for the answers in my slightly rounded belly

Because isn’t that where enlightenment lies?

What is my purpose? I notice faces in my knees and begin to tug at the skin as to try and erase the smug open mouth indents

I search for more answers in the bend of my hips and the stubble that was starting to push back through under my armpits

Patience was never my strongest virtue,

After a minute of standing silence and staring I let out an aggravated sigh

My butt hits the cold tiled marble floor and sends an unsuspecting chill through me

I am thoroughly naked: mind and body

It is the scariest kind of naked to be

I stare myself in the eyes waiting for epiphany to slap me awake

At 18 these questions are urgent; choking my inner conscious until it is green in the face

I needed to start forcing answers out

But here I sit. Nothing arrives…

I turn away from the mirror and stare down at my naked body

How different the perspective is

Then I think of an idea…

Who am I? I ask the acne freckles and birthmarks on my chest

They whisper “someone who’s got more living to do”

I look down at my jiggling thighs and breasts pointed south and ask: What is my purpose?

But they didn’t say anything back

I waited to hear a voice even the faintest sigh, but nothing

Then I turn back to the mirror to look into my eyes

I swear in that moment I could even understand why the sun continues to rise

Quickly before the moment was gone I grabbed my phone and snapped a picture

I saved it in a vault and would open it only when I needed more answers…

I am not defined or set in stone

I can’t determine the future or especially how anything goes

I live and let live with this new bare naked soul

With jiggling thighs and indented knees,

Swallowed sentences and awkward introductions,

Joyful laughs and tear stained night times,

I was here to enjoy it all

To write it all

To live it all

And to regret nothing.

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