Self(me)
I am stripped down in front of a full length mirror
Face bare of beauty regimens, bra and panties thrown to the floor
My toes flirt with the lace as I watched myself…
There was nowhere to hide.
I watch the rise and fall of my chest and tried to breathe as little as possible to study my heartbeat
I am asking all the essential questions to no one in particular
Who am I? I look for the answers in my slightly rounded belly
Because isn’t that where enlightenment lies?
What is my purpose? I notice faces in my knees and begin to tug at the skin as to try and erase the smug open mouth indents
I search for more answers in the bend of my hips and the stubble that was starting to push back through under my armpits
Patience was never my strongest virtue,
After a minute of standing silence and staring I let out an aggravated sigh
My butt hits the cold tiled marble floor and sends an unsuspecting chill through me
I am thoroughly naked: mind and body
It is the scariest kind of naked to be
I stare myself in the eyes waiting for epiphany to slap me awake
At 18 these questions are urgent; choking my inner conscious until it is green in the face
I needed to start forcing answers out
But here I sit. Nothing arrives…
I turn away from the mirror and stare down at my naked body
How different the perspective is
Then I think of an idea…
Who am I? I ask the acne freckles and birthmarks on my chest
They whisper “someone who’s got more living to do”
I look down at my jiggling thighs and breasts pointed south and ask: What is my purpose?
But they didn’t say anything back
I waited to hear a voice even the faintest sigh, but nothing
Then I turn back to the mirror to look into my eyes
I swear in that moment I could even understand why the sun continues to rise
Quickly before the moment was gone I grabbed my phone and snapped a picture
I saved it in a vault and would open it only when I needed more answers…
I am not defined or set in stone
I can’t determine the future or especially how anything goes
I live and let live with this new bare naked soul
With jiggling thighs and indented knees,
Swallowed sentences and awkward introductions,
Joyful laughs and tear stained night times,
I was here to enjoy it all
To write it all
To live it all
And to regret nothing.