Self-Pity Poem #2
I''m too dead to be alive
I've bled out everything inside
I'm painfully numb
I'm numb full of pain
My eyes won't stop crying
At infrequent intervals
Hey
and it's over and under the way
that I'm writing these poems
to pillows tearstained
in the bed where I've laid awake for 7 months straight
And all of those spent in a confused state
Where I wait and I wait
and I know how I feel
and the empty was gone
and the love is still real
and still all the while I knew she didn't feel
but I hoped that she would
And my coffin was sealed
and I knew 2 weeks before
that I'd seen my demise
in the hall where she hugged him
her face
and her eyes
and I know back behind the corner is where
Something was brewing
She was unaware
and I knew
and I knew
and I still did not say
Jealousy's evil
I don't want to prey
And now as here comes March
April
and May
And I know she'll be happy
and I'll still feel the same
And 7 months gone
on a cause that's now gone
all thanks to a Saturday hangout
Bigone
And it clicked
they clicked
with a click.
And we didn't
And perhaps my ears heard
without myself knowing
that I was perturbed
and after that party
when I felt so damn empty
and hollow
and frightened
the dark can be scary
Maybe after that party
my heart had a clue
that I knew
you were bound
to satisfy
you.
And I still grew attatched
despite all your warnings
and I still waited round
to see you in the mornings
and I still was too unsure
to act or to ask
to do what I felt
To take off the mask
To not be so timid
to not be a bore
and I know I'm not supposed to be sorry
at all
And I know this is petty
But I know I'll write more
You don't have to read
if you don't want to anymore
But I'm still gonna feel
and I'm still gonna write
Because there at the end
when I'm writhing at night
Waking up from false dozes
in tosses and turns
in the freezing cold darkness
where my bleeding heart burns
And I don't give a fuck
what anyone deserves
All I know is I love you
and everything hurts.