what if your world was ripped apart?

Everything you know is ripped from you?

This happend when my father came back from over sea's when i was 4

when my dad would beat me and my 3 year old brother.

Today, i know that he was sick with past memorys of bloodshed.

Back then, i had no idea why my favorite person was hurting us.

That is when i became over protective of my brother.

Years later, my parents divorced

A couple months after my baby brother was born.

Mother shipped us to the land of great lakes.

I learned to keep to myself in the new school.

6 months, we move to a new state

with a new house

new furniture

new people,

and especially a new father

someone who asked us to call him dad. 

we never have.

New dad drank, and gambled, and never put us above anything.

He would waste thousands online.

Mother never confronted him about it.

She was scared.

years pass of constant negativiety and mental abuse towards my family from him.

In the winter of 2017, i took to many pills.

Not enough.

In the spring of 2018, thin lines on my arms and legs that bleed with fresh blood.

Not enough.

In the winter of 2018, the lines ran deeper

but not deep enough.

It was on my ride home from the asylum 

that i noticed the world.

The sky was a bright blue sky with no clouds

The sunshine on my skin

and the msuic that played from the radio.

Not to mention the food was better

Now, everyday i try to name something

that makes me happy 

I have been expected and told that i grew up to fast

and that okay

I love the earth beneath my feet

The smell of a fresh bakery

The sound of rain and thunder

The taste of cheescake

The view of a lake from the beach.

I love it all, and i wouldnt change it