The riddle of life

Of nursery rhymes gone awry 

Lives riddled with pain 

Not of Doctor Seuss characters and silly laughter

But of your tiny lungs attempting to scream over your mothers

Your first steps upon shards of glass

The bottle shattered on the floor 

In a fitful rage the night before

 

A wall

The one you were flung upon 

Thrown like a ragdoll

Your doll looking at you through porcelain eyes 

Helpless to help you 

Never to see you gain the strength to watch you help yourself

 

A closet

The one you were duck-taped into 

Arms tightly wound to one another

The silver tape glittered as a sliver of light peered out from the corner 

Kicking was useless

Screaming was futile

Fighting was wearisome

Falling asleep till morning

Stomach angrily growling 

Till someone finally came to your rescue 

 

A door

There was no escape

Of all the trap doors in the world

There weren’t enough 

And even if there were, none of them seemed to be in your home

It wasn’t a home 

That would be an exaggeration

It was a mere structure

 

A house

There were several closed doors along the way

The only ones open were those that lead to death

 

To dark rooms and corridors

But you weren’t afraid of darkness anymore

In fact, you befriended it

Became allies with the enemy

The enemy lines were blurred now

Blurred lines

 

Fuzzy eyesight

Haze everywhere

Suffocation

You barely knew the taste of air

Oxygen

A foreign substance

Amongst many others that were far too familiar

Utterly toxic

Inhaling copious amounts 

You amounting to mere vapor

Simply smoke

Your breathing cavity rarely breathing 

Heart scarcely beating

Wrong rate

 

128?

Unsteady heartbeat

From sheer panic 

Paranoia

Hysteria

Mania

 

50?

Is that too low? 

Frankly, quite slow

Abnormally so

 

Twilight

The light is far too bright

Senses reach a new height

The stars seem to align

Ascending

Mounting

Scaling 

 

Higher 

Higher 

Higher 

 

Collapsing

Crashing

Falling

Lower

Lower 

Lower

 

BAM

IMPACT

GROUND LEVEL

BELOW SEA LEVEL

 

The decline crashes with a new wave

Again.

Tsunami 

Typhoon 

The plunge

The downfall

 

Spiral 

No relent

It takes you further

It pulls you deeper

 

Abyss

Darkness 

You weren’t afraid of it anyway

 

But heaped upon the childhood abuse and the adolescent use

Was the heartbreak 

That ensued

 

The very ones you were told to trust were the same ones who used you

 

The trauma that took place

The things that caused you shame

The occurrences behind closed doors and trapdoors

As spoken of before

Yet left unsaid

Unspoken 

 

Suffice it to say

Mere words were not enough

To describe the way you felt in those days

 

The events that tore you to shreds 

The clothes on the bed

The rape

The incest

The incessant violence

The bullet wounds

Physical

Emotional

Gaping wounds upon the soul

Incurable

 

Insatiable cravings

Starving 

Aching 

 

For a high 

For a trip

A get away

Pack your bags

The luggage of your mind was plenty heavy enough

Break the chains in the recesses of your brain

A jailbreak from the cavern of your thoughts

The millstone around your neck

The unbearable burden

Your albatross

Your Achilles heel

Somehow you made it to the sky

But it was never worth the flight

 

How the baggage never held you to the ground

No one knew

Not even you

 

How these moments caused you to forget everything

You fail to remember 

That with every hit

Memory was made a commodity 

 

Needles injecting chemicals into the veins of your dignity

Seeping into your integrity

Needless to say, stealing away 

Your personhood

Your humanity

 

Bandit of the night 

Weapons of theft that tore you apart

Held you at gunpoint with crippling fear

The knives carving deep into your wooden heart

The blades stabbing at your soul

Jabbing into the cartilage of who you are

 

Who you were meant to be

Probably.

 

Eventually 

You try to wake up

From the nightmare

The one you swore only started as a dream

And soon became your life

Your reality

Swallowed up by something seemingly imaginary

Imagination ran wild 

Creativity consumed you

But the appetite is never quite satisfied 

 

It doesn’t seem real

You don’t even feel

You’re altogehter numb

Everything’s suddenly so surreal

 

This riddle turned into a cruel joke

Over time

With the nicotine smoke

Using harder drugs to cope 

Acid, painkillers, dope

 

You tried to kill the pain 

But it’s killing you

 

Pain

Hurt

Anger

 

All feelings you try to ignore

The ones you violently kick to the floor

Yet they creep up on you much larger than before

Monsters and goblins all scratching at your door

 

Maybe if you open it to fight your demons 

You’ll finally be free 

To soar

 

And you realize life didn’t turn out as you had thought

The stories they told 

The one with the missing glass slipper 

A ball and a carriage 

Speaking mice

Bippity-boppity-thrice

“…and beautiful dress”

A ravishing night

The perfect evening

In-step dancing

Polite

 

A striping young man 

Handsome as he can be 

As gentle as they say

Smooth and dignified 

A true gentleman 

 

You found that the riddle was just that

The laugh of the ages 

 

You’ll never have your story-book fairy tale 

But instead your story is one of:  

Stolen innocence 

A childhood abandoned 

A child forced to become an adult

When your actions screamed for guidance 

They were met with scoff

 

Once you are grown

You will try to pick up the pieces of the puzzle

But it’s not probable that it will ever be 

Resolvable 

 

It may never make sense 

But maybe that’s not why we’re here

Not here to decipher a riddle 

Because life isn’t solvable 

 

But rather we’re here to write a new script

To turn the page

It’s not over yet

A composition of existence that rises above the bullshit 

That ridicules the riddle 

And laughing deranged

Looks evil in the eye and says, 

 

“It’s time.” 

 

To begin anew

To start fresh

The slate cleared

The whiteboard erased

 

It’s time to 

Build up from the rubble

And construct yourself

One day at a time

To do it right

To create a new life

 

Dr. Suess once said,

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
Any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And 
you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll
decide where to go.

You’ll get mixed up,
of course, as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up with
many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great
tact and remember that
Life’s A Great Balancing Act.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU’LL MOVE 
MOUNTAINS!

 

Because if all it takes is a mustard seed…

Entire mountain ranges will rearrange 

Simply because you want them to

Because you deserve better

Because you are you