recovery is a long road, but i promise it’s worth it.

Thu, 01/05/2017 - 16:46 -- asellis

today is the day i learn acceptance

i learn to tame the ferocious beasts inside me

not by beating them into submission, or leaving them in cages

until i hope they starve or wither or grow old and die

despite the fact i know that the more i ignore them

the more they grow

no, i tame them by trying to understand them

i mother them

i take care of them

i cradle them as if they were my children, which they might as well be

after all, they are a part of me


today is the day i learn acceptance

i learn to tame the vicious creatures tearing apart my head and heart

i catch the stones that drop to the pit of my stomach

but this time i don’t try to stop them from falling, trying to hold up a boulder

i am no atlas, i cannot carry the world

i let the stones glide gently down, like a feather sinking to the bottom of a river

and i tell them that they can stay as long as they need to

but only as long as i let them


today is the day i learn acceptance

i keep my demons on a leash, i walk them like pets

i try not to let the run away

but when they do, i know deep down, they’ll return to me

and i will continue to be their faithful master, the ringleader

and i walk them every day

and when people ask me if these animals should not be thrown in a cell

or washed away to sea

when people ask me how i get through the day

sometimes i do, and sometimes i don’t

but my monsters are as much a part of my day

as much a part of my life

as any other part of me


today is the day i learn acceptance

not by fighting

i’m so tired of fighting

it’s been a long run

i’ve shed so much blood

a losing battle that i’m always the captive of

i am finished being the game –

i want to be the player


today, i learned acceptance

and i didn’t even realize i’d learned it until i said it out loud

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