It is in that moment you know what you want

The moment you:

Flip a coin and hope it lands where you desire

Make a wish and blow out the candles on your cake

Those moments you don't realize what you want

It is only while it is happening you become aware

 

Every girl begins with a diary

It is a secret vault that harbors her every thought

She goes there because she feels safe

It is a place of freedom and expression

Something she prides herself in having

There she releases the thoughts she holds within

 

Eventually this girl finds herself conflicted

She has grown and so has the dilemmas in her life

Her crushes are accompanied with thoughts more serious

Thoughts that make or break someone

She looks outward hoping to find a soul to confide in

But she draws a blank because everyone left

 

At this moment in time she looks inward

Reflecting at the choices that brought her here

The reasons she feels the way she does

And she questions what she wants out of life

As her mind floods from all the emotion she feels

She sees the diary, now coated with dust, and she smiles

 

She recounts all the moments she spent analyzing

Writing down the mindless convictions that popped into her head

The boys she liked, the music she listened to, and even  the fights she had

She remembered the feeling she would get after writing in her diary

This feeling of self awareness and gratification

Because she discovered herself when she wrote

 

So at a time when she was more lost than ever

She decided to try and find that elated feeling

The girl gathered some paper and a pencil and began to write

There was no plan of action or a destination she wished to arrive at

She just wrote and it was as easy as that

Those years away spilled onto the pages with no restriction

 

As the girl wrote it appeared as if she had never stopped

She had fallen into writing after years of abandonment

Her mind expanding with every word she wrote

And she found herself coming closer to a discovery

Leaving no thought untouched and getting closer to who she wanted to be

And who she wanted to be was a girl who writes in her diary

 

Not because she wishes to remain a child

She does this because it helps her

Writing aids her on the journey of her life

It helps her understand the things she goes through

It gives her clarity when she feels adrift

Writing becomes a gift that she values dearly

 

To her it’s a haven

When she writes she becomes engulfed by the sanctity of expression

The words simply rush out so naturally

And give her such a remarkable insight

Her writing consumes her fears and insecurities

Giving her a safe and surreal place to let go and unwind.