You raped me.
Blatantly. 
Unapologetically.
Impetuously.
You raped me.
You deprived me of me.
You have created the epitome-
I am the embodiment of everything I despise.

 

I am self-loathing.

 

I am self-loathing because you raped me.
YOU RAPED ME.
Blatantly.
Unapologetically.
Impetuously.
Inexplicably.
You deprived me of love.

 

Chemical romances cease to exist.
Only cardio nuclear reactions never ceasing to exist.
Explosion and destruction of property, owned by me,
not you.
YOU RAPED ME, so you're passed trespassing.
You have tracked and tracked inches of feculence on the perilous roads that are my ribs and have ceased to clean your feet,
have ceased to stop stomping, creating open fractures on the cement encasing a damaged useless dwelling that bleeds-
that literally bleeds bright red tears that flow from its pouring oceans.

 

You sir, are a soul surfer
Surfing on the misty, spirited currents that define me as a being,
as a human, 
as me
Or what would have, could have been.

 

Why are you so ruthless? So inconsiderate?

 

Thanks to you, my heart aches of years of suffering.
It yowls in an unfathomable fashion,
In indecipherable screeches.
Day and night.
It yowls in an unfathomable fashion,
In indecipherable screeches
because you raped me.
blatantly,
unapologetically,
impetuously,
inexplicably,
tortuously,
selfishly,
You deprived me of a voice.

 

This orifice has been rendered shut with the numerous palpitations of an uneasy vessel.
How can I follow what can't deliver a transparent, decipherable message?
It is eternally clouded.
It is eternally indubious thanks to you.
A voice with no sound is no voice at all.
You managed to indirectly destroy the puppet by destroying the puppeteer.
You killed two birds with one stone.
An uneasy, untrustworthy, eternally clouded, eternally indubious heart, yields an eternally mute aperture.
You willingly accepted the invitation to dance in bacchanalian revelry on this vessel.
On this vessel, leaving it unrecognizable to most.

 

Blatantly. 
You spoke of sweet sounding delights that caressed my ear lobe ever so lovingly. 
You spoke of unimaginable experiences like the suave, silver tongued serpent you are, but all the while you reeked of the feculent matter that you’d smeared over this once blank and torn canvas-
This blank and lacerated canvas,
This once blank and severed canvas-
in a deplorable attempt to be referred to as an artist.

 

Unapologetically. 
Never once forming your embouchure to verbalize two simple words. 
Never formulating the concept of remorse,
the abstraction of wrongful doing
Those two simple words were never conceptualized because there was nothing to be conceptualized according to you.
"I'm" was a lone, unfertilized egg that lay in your left brain, the ovary.
"Sorry" was an eager, yet incompetent sperm that bounced about energetically in your right brain, the testicle,
Never even presenting the opportunity to abort the embryo "I'm sorry!"

 

Impetuously. 
Without thinking you bathed in the contaminant rivers of vehement impulse.
You soaked in it for years, so now your skin excretes irrationality,
Exudes illogicality,
Exalts any and everything impractical.

 

Inexplicably.
Years I stood waiting for something that would never be explained or understood.
I hung on every minute, wrapping around every millisecond like some contorted aerialist a ring or ribbon.
Waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting both patiently and impatiently,
Waiting for a nonexistent explanation.

 

Tortuously.
Did it ever cross your mind that you would literally be tearing me to pieces?
That you'd physically and emotionally take a toll on me?
I'm worn out and yet still fighting, still kicking for survival.

 

Selfishly.
You inconsiderate bastard. 
How dare you?
How dare you steal my childhood and innocence away from me? 
How dare you force me to mature?
How dare you spoil the good apple?
I was the good apple left in the bunch now I'm just like the others.
Now I don't feel!
Now I don't trust!
I can't love completely because of you!

 

Because of you disguising yourself as a silver-tongued fox when you really were a serpent from the tree of ignorance!
Because of you never formulating the conceptualization of regret!
Because of your irrationality!
Because of your lack of explanation!
Because of your sick Saw game!
Because of your narcissistic ego!
 

You decided
blatantly,
unapologetically,
impetuously, 
inexplicably,
tortuously,
selfishly-

 

Did you ever care?! 
Did you ever love me?!
Did it ever occur that you might be making the biggest mistake of your life?!
That you'd never reap the benefits of what you'd sewn, father?
Incestuously.

 

Father, you raped me because you seized my childhood and carried it away by force.
When I say you raped me, you deprived me of knowing a man-
knowing A MAN-
that would never leave nor betray me, and for that I don't know if I can ever forgive you.