QUICK SAND

Location

You stand still and watch everything around you 

you notice things differently then moving around 

everything you try to do seem there still something not right 

No matter how much you smile a little more it's still something that's not 

sunshine on the other side 

and when you solve one problem you see yourself in another problem 

like doors all around and as soon as you 

open a door seems like theres

others closing in your face 

no air but one last breath 

But hell how can we get past the problem and sorrow with everything keep repeating

how can you move forward if there no new place to go 

so you listen to music to block all 

the confusion and reality but when the music ends you end

up right where you started

life is crazy to live like you trying to escape with no way out

sometimes  we live life upside down 

just so we can learn how to live life right side up 

so when you feel like you going 

to sink in the quick sand 

just say GOD wouldn't give me 

these optical if he knew i couldn't do it 

so you can get throw it 

Comments

Cheryl Griffith

Very emotional piece, very raw and heart rending and so so real. your message is very powerful but if you want to strenghten your work, try employing some figurstive language or poetic devices like pun or play on words, metaphors or repeatitions etc . I enjoyed this poem though, it touched my heart.

powerful.imani

thank you so much because i really wanna become a stronger writer thank you so very much for the support 

Mafi Grey

I like this poem as well and I agree with Cheryl Griffith, she's right about the play of words you use to make you a stronger poetry. I try to read as many poems from other people to see how they write, how they arrange there stanza, and how they flow. I also, listen to a lot of spoken word pieces as well. Check out my Facebook page, I add a lot of good people on there, even you as well. I shouldn't get all the people now, it's a great spot to get ideas. Oh and if you need some people to listen to or looking for good spoken word pieces, let me know; I've got a bunch of people.

https://www.facebook.com/MafiThePoet?ref=tn_tnmn

powerful.imani

Yes I could use the help I write A LOT of Poetry. I be so grateful of you could help me. I don't have a Facebook but we can exchange emails or kik??? Please I could use the help :-)

Mafi Grey

I'd be glad to help a fellow poet out, here's my email; just shoot me a message and I'll get back to you with that list.

shameergriffin@yahoo.com 

powerful.imani

Imanidnjohnson13@gmail.com
so happy and I have a few videos if you wanna check them out

natyah.smith

That rhyming though! The message is very inspiration and this poem is so relatable, I feel like this all the time, but God always come through! Stunning job

powerful.imani

thank you so much. That vocabulary doe.

Sharnelle

I really like the concept of this poem.  You did a great job, and it's so relatable. Be careful with making sure the reader can really understand the flow you want and one line transitioning into another more smoothly. Good work! :)

powerful.imani

Thank you so much for the support .

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