Puzzle
I thought the most important
Part of life was to find
The one person
That understands you.
I believed this was the
Purpose of life.
I’ll tell you that
I found that person
I found that person I could not
Live without at 15.
I thought I found the love of my life.
I invested my whole self
In this person.
I gave every ounce of love
I ever had to him,
But I found myself slowly
Slipping away
And diminishing before my family’s eyes.
I gave my whole self but I lost myself.
I knew it needed to end
But I could not bear
The thought of living my life
Without this person by my side.
When I finally ripped the band-aid off
I became a different person.
A dark, apathetic creature
Who could not find the
Good in anyone or anything.
I became emotionless
In order to keep myself safe.
I became un-phased by life
As if I carry a shield
To protect me from reality.
I am still afraid to admit
To myself that I am hurting more
Every.
Single.
Day.
I keep telling myself
That if I hold it all in..
If I hold it all in
It will soon drift away
But the pain is still lingering
And gnawing away at my heart.
Four long years of losing myself
Have caught up with me
And I cannot find what I am
Who I am
Or
What I believe in.
My thoughts race as
I try to figure out my life.
My mind is an endless pit
Of pain and confusion
All tangled up and burning
Up my soul.
I am beginning to think
I will never be the person
I want to be.
I never had the opportunity
To explore the world alone.
Until now.
And now that I am alone,
I walk through life with
A mask of a naïve child when
Behind the mask is a person
Who just wants to feel again.
Someone who wants to
Feel anything but pain
But apathy is slowly
Lurking its way into my body
And influencing my every thought
And action.
I have searched high and low
To just feel something.
Anything.
I would rather cry every
Minute of every day
Than feel absolutely
Nothing.
Feeling pain
Is better than feeling nothing at all.
I have buried my emotion
So deep down inside me
I’m sure it has turned
To ash by now.
I don’t think I can
Fix anything I have destroyed.
Trying to put my life together
Reminds me of a puzzle
With one missing piece.
It will never be complete
It will always be broken.