I’m Tired of smiling.

Honestly I am.

Because to most I’m just that pretty girl.

That girl with the polite speech,

Jokes to crack,

And a shoulder for everyone to lean on.

 

But that pretty girl wasn’t always so pretty.

She used to have thick glasses,

An awkward speech,

And a weight far from the recommended for a 12 year old girl.

 

She was so eager to please that she threw away her pride 

and her shame in hopes that people would like her.

 

That when people would see her, they would think more than,

 “Oh, There’s that fat girl.”

 

She was the butt of every joke,

The comparison to make themselves feel better,

And when she tried to stand up,

And when she tried to defend herself.

 

They tore her down and spread rumors, So bad,

That she had to face the humiliation of having to sit in the main office during lunch, because no one dared to be seen with her.

But then she got pretty, and she got thin, and had learned to apply her eyeliner just so.

 

And all of the sudden she had friends, all of the sudden I was seen as more than the “fat girl”.

 

Cause now I was the pretty girl.

I had moved from one title to the next.

From the loner to the social butterfly you see standing here today.

 

But things are so different now…

I’m more cynical,

So untrusting,

And am so busy second guessing myself that I purposely push people away.

 

I am no longer that fat girl,

That pretty girl,

I am now.

The cynic.