Post Teenage Angst Stage

Mon, 10/27/2014 - 02:29 -- CDASH

Location

High school?

I thought it would be cool.
Whatever.
That fallacy got severed. Along with expected measures, and weathered effort.

My expectations?
I mean I had great expectations. But after reading the book, I had a burning sensation in my head. No meds or sudafed could shred. Dread was shooting out of my head like dreads.

I went from A's and B's to having the first letter of my name. See I was headed downhill. I needed a chill pill to kill the perturbation spills, I was perplexed. And there actually is a chill pill but it's called xanex.
It's to cause propriety. And to effect anxiety. And in todays society they call it bars. Not the ones in elementary. No, not by far. But there's only hair and toothpaste on the edge of my sink. I don't do drugs and I was never on the brink.

Music seals the deal on my anxiety.
Hashtag Team Sobriety.
Hashtag "Not anymore!" says my 21 year old self.

When I think of the future, I also think of help.
SOS.
But with less planes and more direction.
Decisions. Decisions.
Now my life's an intersection.

Is it too late to confess that I digress when I stress? I also digress when reality says my life is a mess.

Going to waffle houses with my friends and hanging with college dudes. Mainly cause the dudes here had me less than enthused. Plus high school guys are either dazed or confused. And by the looks of my track record, I wasn't amused.

New friends.
Old friends.
Fake friends.
Acquaintances.
We'll probably never talk after graduation so there aren't really any differences.

I'm coming into my own, and learning the unknown. I know right from wrong, but in my eyes I'm grown. Yet not ready to be thrown into the flux. The flux of the world with all that "grownup" stuff. Yeah, who am I kidding? I caught my own bluff.

While everyone else is changing, I'm changing too. I'm starting to find more things to become my muse. Writing about life. And what I've been through. Even though I'm young, I know a struggle or two.

And you know when your writing is better than most. When you turn on the radio and it's like not even close.

Depth wise. I mean guys. Why is twerking relevant? How did shaking your ass become so prevalent? Our generation is on some sort of identity front. With lust, and blunts, and some pink spiked punch.
And now molly is everyone's favorite drug. If you said Molly two years ago I'd think breakfast club.

You would think in a shallow world like so, you'd always be able to float and never sink. Another misconception, obviously.

But I'm still swimming.
Despite the antics. I can't even pivot.
I'm still living.

I think I'm in this post teenage angst stage.

That stage when she doesn't get you. And you just don't care.

That stage when he doesn't understand you. And you can't tell a tear from a tear.

That stage when all you care about is posting vinyl sleeves on your wall, and listening to bands that no one has heard of at all. And sometimes you look through your dolls to remember your childhood. When everything was good and boys didn't have morning...

Wouldn't you like to go back to tag, when you were not it. Can we go back in time when we didn't have jobs yet.
I guess it's hard to picture it. Cause all we care about is getting a car and should we have sex yet. Our minds are set on that.

Girls equal Make up. Clothes. Him. Him. Him.

Boys equal Friends. And when she gone let me get it in cause she's a 10. I bet she's the tenth.

Colleges. Gotta apply to colleges.

College?

Who says you have to go. Cause it's what everyone else does? That's conformity you know.

But no worries. I will go to college. I think higher learning is great. I appreciate new knowledge.

But as far as adulthood. It's routine. Every generation is keen on growing up.
For what?!

To fall into a perpetual cycle of of worry and paranoia. To fall in love and get married and then get a lawyer? I guess I'll just stay in my post teenage angst stage. I'd take teen angst over adult angst any day.

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741