Polar Pop

Sun, 04/28/2019 - 15:15 -- vann116



years I’ve spent living without you. Dreams where you are present are irrelevant and you are no longer someone I miss...wanting. I spent 


days sipping grief like water at the loss of a brother you never gave me the chance to know and at my 


birthday, it showed. Tears curled with hot chocolate steam, the liquid burning the knots of anger and depression and I let this weak, light-weighted heat consume my need to be strong. My mother watched me cry for 


minutes long. When I stopped she said “that’s it?”


seconds go by, and I looked at her and wondered if the hurt of this bittersweet loss was something I hid. Was the hot cocoa supposed to burn more than it did?


years old I slurped polar pop drinks as cold as the smiles I faked unaffected by the miles I’ve walked that wasn’t with her. 


Every skin cell severed that I covered, they tried to blame you for the scars I drew even though I begged a mother to want me knowing she didn’t want to and I still wasted 10 minutes at


years old listening to a crash course about every unknown family memory that I was supposed to know. Who knew at


years old I was at fault for HER no-show.


minutes to go, soon I will go home in dark nights under street lights. Polar Pop ice numbing pain I’ve felt inside since 


years old but I forgot you existed and at 


years old I figured out this is how it was supposed to be. Your no-show, and my unknown memories. But you still filled my dreams with hopes that you would come back to me. And Of course at 


years old I didn’t know that you were missing and at 

years old I didn’t know I had to find you but at 


years old I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to know you. But I won’t tell anyone of the 


minutes I spent at 


years old wondering why everyone was so....snowy.


times lighter than me with only 


minute to fast forward to 


Polar pop ice numbing like daydreams, but the hot chocolate still burns like the nightmare needs to. I miss you, but I don’t miss wanting you. 



This poem is about: 
My family


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