I feel so stupid as I mentally narrate the words I will speak and the emotions you will feed me but I forget that narration is imagination and the inability to plan begins to drive me mad as my emotions coincide with yours but circumstances destroy prospects of a happy, shared future because I run away from those emotions I want you to give me and my words never belong where your emotions lack but I always hope that this phone call will be different and this phone call will be the one where the lines begin to blur again and my best friend becomes my lover and my lover becomes reality and I swear, this time I can handle it and this time will be different because I swear, I will tell you when my heart begins to spill and my mind begins to rebel and I swear, this time you can stop me from running home south and shutting you out and destroying this friendship that took years to build and I swear, I will love you as you deserve, vocalize this terror that fills me with the idea of my future not having you and I swear, I love you and I swear, next time, I will tell you


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