My home is a prison of 

thoughts and

words and things

that I wish I could do.

 

At home I have to

count my calories

and exercise

and please my

father by never 

disagreeing or opposing

with what comes out of his mouth. 

 

In public I

am the Perfect Daughter

of a Perfect Family

which has no worries

about their weight 

and size and 

how much they eat.

Everyone is loved

and valued for 

their opinions

and thoughts 

and actions

and expressions.

 

At home I

am constantly criticized and

rejected.

My father makes me feel 

like I am scum

a piece of gum on the bottom of his shoe

if I even so much as

dress differently

or deflect the rude commentary he

throws at me in the morning.

 

In public everyone

talks about how 

nice and

pretty and 

Perfect 

our family is 

as if 

my weight wasn't mentioned 

everytime I leave my room.

 

Never good enough. 

Everything has to be challenged.

I wear a loose fitting shirt or

baggy sweater and I 

am belittled because it is 

'too big' and it 'doesn't fit'.

I wear a shirt that sticks to my skin

like glue

and I am ostracized and 

shunned

because "fat girls" cannot wear

tight clothes.

 

The public has a different perspective 

of my Perfect Family

and Perfect lifestyle.

 

They are not the ones 

that recieve the cold-shoulder

daily

hourly

every minute

by their father.

 

They are never deemed

not good enough

by their own flesh and blood.

 

So I retreat

back into

the shadows of 

my room.

I don't come out for dinner

or holidays

or parties 

or to see friends

or family.

I have put up a wall of steel.

I built it when I learned how to 

construct barriers.

It has stood,

shiny and strong 

for years

yet it still fails to shield me.