Please have patience with me

For I am still a work in progress

I am still a wild card, a wild guess

I was never taught how to love

I was taught abuse, how to push and shove

I was taught neglects. Bruised, battered, and wrecked

I have never felt affection

Just pain and suffering

Recovering from bruises, scars, fresh cuts I’ve been covering

I was taught that it was okay to hit a woman if she deserved it

But I wasn’t taught that it was never okay to lay your hands on a woman

No matter what she had done

I was taught that a man was supposed to overpower you

But i was never taught to be the Alpha

I was taught it was okay for men to call women ugly, hideous, and disgusting

To degrade us because we are ‘objects’

But I was never taught to be beautiful, to love myself, to be complex, to demand respect

I grew up around boys

They spoke about women like toys

My sister's father was one to degrade and abuse

And I was of use

My ex lover treated me like I was trash

I felt like a person being bitten by a serpent

A person who in his life held little to no importance

He stripped me from my pride

And stained my memories with nothing but flashbacks

Of what he thought was a joyride but to me was a nightmare at its climax

And although I moved on and learned from my mistakes

A murder scene kept rerunning with no brakes

As the time went by

I learned that it is okay to say no

That it was okay to show your weaknesses, even your strengths

To learn and to know

I have been trying to love like i've never been hurt  

Like i've never felt cold, unwanted hands under my shirt

Like i've never felt a belt hit my skin

Like i've never felt or seen abuse

Like i was never taken advantage of or used