The Pain I Felt

You look at me with star brightened eyes.

You see my moment of weakness -

As you watch my wall that I've tried for so long to build -

Crashes to the ground.

Because, you see, unlike you, I had no walls.

I had my heart open and on my sleeves for everyone to see, touch, feel.

I gave my heart away as easy as the tears that fell when you left.

 

This is not a poem of pity, or greif. 

Simply a poem for you, to feel the pain that I felt.

 

Even a glimsp into the deepest darkest crevest of the earth.

That I, myself, found going to when the moonlight fills the sky, and the sun is long gone.

The echos of your memory haunt me.

Your eyes.

Your smile.

Your laugh.

Your lies.

 

As I stare at you, while your sitting in front of me asking -

No, begging for another chance.

That's all that replys in my mind.

Lies.

 

And in that moment I want to punch you in the face

Kick you in the stomach

Rip out your eyes with my long broken fingertips - 

But no.

I do not wish for you to die.

Not even cry.

Just feel an inch of the pain I felt inside.

 

Your smiling at me  as if you did nothing wrong.

Just as all the times before.

I find myself believing you.

 

Until I flash back to that night when I crawled into that hole and didn't come out.

You ripped open my chest, and put in a completely different heart.

A stronger one.

My veins, they pump steel - not blood.

Which is why i believe that while you're sitting here, I realize something -

You are my old heart.

A soft spot.

A weakness.

And that fills me with anger.

No longer love.

No longer happiness.

 

It takes me back to all the bullshit I heard,

All the lies you told in this roller coaster of a realtionship that I've been delt.

And I look into your eyes and I find the words t speak.

Short, and blunt but to the point.

You will never feel the pain, that I felt.

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