It’s approximately 11 A.M.
I could sense that something was different,
something was wrong.
In this case,
being wrong was disguised as giggles,
and childish actions.
“Tag,” you say tapping me “you’re it.”
We began our game slowly,
I’ve played tag before so this time was no different,
right?
I see your outstretched arm and push it away,
now it’s you.
I run as fast as I can,
because that’s what you do when you play tag,
you touch and then you run,
hoping that the monster,
the person who’s “it,”
doesn’t go after you.
“Tag,”
I fall.
“Tag,”
you touch me again.
“I said tag,”
I scream,
or rather I open my mouth but don’t say a thing.
Don’t forget,
we’re just two friends playing tag,
right?
I’m on the floor now and my body can’t move.
I’m frozen,
after all,
that is what you do when you’re playing freeze tag.
You tag,
I freeze,
unfreeze,
you tag,
I freeze,
then nothing.
Game over,
like a bell signaling the end of the period.
Like a teacher ushering us out to our next class.
I am still frozen,
my body moves robotically-
as if it were programmed,
to continue going on when it’s circuits had been fried,
as if I was programmed to continue going on,
when my best friend became the monster.
I wonder if you had confused me-
for a seal swimming in the water,
something that you felt like you deserved.
I breathed in the residue of my soul,
and choked on my silence,
a respiratory infection formed-
in the place that I had kept the remainder of my innocence.
I had no detectable disease or any type of cancer,
it was a somatoform disorder,
meaning one you create all on your own.
I manufactured my own downfall
and somehow failed to land on a safe place.
I hit the concrete,
tag you’re it.
I continued to fall,
tag you’re it.
I broke every bone in my body to try and talk to you again,
tag you’re frozen.
“You’re a horrible judgmental person,” he says.
When the monster becomes your enemy-
there’s not much you can do but run and hide.
He’s after you,
run.
He’s right behind you,
don’t look back.
He’s reaching his hand out,
don’t stop running.
You’re on the ground,
tag,
you’re it.
Why did you stop running from the monster?
Did you think you could change him?
Did you see the humanity in his eyes?
Did you disregard his jokes-
on how he would devour the small defenseless birds?
Tag you’re it,
the ball is in your court.
What do you do about it now?
They talk you know,
the birds.
They say things that may not always be true,
who knew the birds would set you off like they did?
Who knew they would set me off like they did?
Suddenly my body is taking up too much space,
I could feel something ignite inside of me.
The flames fell out of my mouth and engulfed the room.
The walls ablaze.
The shadow that the fire creates tells a story,
of how friend-
became monster-
became foe-
became you.
There was something comforting-
about the burn that was left in my throat.
I watched as the flames devoured the walls around me,
who knew chaos could be so beautiful?
I hear the birds sing a song-
of a girl who took a cookie from a boy and ruined his life.
I hear the birds protecting the monster,
I wonder if the flames will melt away his disguise-
and reveal my best friend again,
I wonder if they are now the same person.
I hear the birds chirping somewhere in the distance,
and I sit in the center of the room,
as I watch the flames melt my past away.
Tag you’re it,
the ball is in your court.
What do you do about it now?