To Orion

There are things that I am terrified to tell you, in fear you may think less about me. But, I think it is important that I do tell you, if our relationship is to truly be honest. Please, read all of this before you say anything. 
I still love Antonio. I hate it, but it's true. I do love you more than him, but I still do love him. He has no chance against you, so don't worry. 
I don't want you to go to Nevada. 
I don't like your best friend. 
I'm scared that if you go, I'll lose you. 
Don't tell me I won't, because there is nothing that'll change that fear. I'm afraid your best friend will steal you away from me. 
I love how you tease me about my arachnophobia and my OCD. It makes me smile when I think about it, because it lowers the tension I have when it comes to those things. 
I don't want you to be a father for her kid. Even if it isn't yours. It makes me feel like I am being replaced, as ridiculous as it sounds. 
I don't care if you smoke pot and cigarettes. I care that you are happy. 
I will literally do everything I possibly can to make you happy. 
It kills me to not have you my arms every day. I long to just hold you and not let go. 
When I defend Danny, it's me trying to make an effort to make mom happy. But now, he has finally pushed it to the point that I'm afraid the voices will go and murder him in the middle of the night. 
I don't think I deserve you. I'm told that I'm great at all these things, but, until recently, I felt like I was someone different. 
You helped me discover who I am as a person. I am so thankful for that. 
I love you with all my heart. 
You capture my thoughts all day. You make me randomly smile. Every time I talk about you, I literally jump and smile so much it makes my face hurt. I don't want to lose you, and I know I can be annoying and clingy, but I can't lose you. I can't even bare the thought of losing you. I lost my dad by letting him walk away. I am not losing you. I am not even going to chance it. 
I had to let you know this. 
[messege sent]
This poem is about: 


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741