its funny how much that i feel when im really just trying to heal and i still hear your voice on repeat in my heart drowning out the sound of my own thoughts

i used to write poems about the way your eyes looked when they sparkle in the light, and how i always felt safer in your arms

but now i really think that we were just doomed from the start

all because i had to break my own heart

i know that i ran and i know i got scared

and i know it wasnt completely your fault

but i didnt wanna die and i didnt trust you to save my life

and watching that trust fade i knew it couldnt ever be right because every word from your mouth just started to sound like a lie

it didnt matter what you said and it didnt matter what you did, it was over from that very first “fresh start”

in the middle of november when you crawled your way back into my heart

i knew it was wrong 

i knew it wouldnt end well

and i know what i felt

i felt like i couldnt breathe because there was a missing piece

but it didnt matter because i was still shattered i just couldnt see

the cracks never mended and the chips are still gone

in fact now theyre bigger than they were before

i dont know when it happened i dont know when i knew i just knew that it couldnt be you

i still check on that private account 

the one you probably think i know nothing about

and i cant help but check on your mom

and its killing me to watch from afar

but i know it was me who tore it all apart

im sorry i lied 

im sorry that i didnt try 

im sorry i couldnt survive

i just didnt know how to look you in the eye

i hurt myself again and again, hoping and praying, and checking again

i tell our funny stories and i think about your laugh

i wont ever get over the time that we had

i remember thinking that time you were gone, right person wrong time, its time to move on

but i still couldnt let you go, you still had me in your hold

but now youre just taking up too much space in my brain

and i wont ever love anyone the way that i love you again and thats probably a really good thing

i didnt think we’d ever get to this part

where best friends turn into strangers with no real way to restart

i gotta let go 

i gotta move on 

i just gotta take care of my heart

im sorry i lied 

im sorry that i didnt try 

and im sorry i couldnt survive