Life is not sitting in your room
Afraid to step out the door,
Afraid of the world at your fingertips,
Afraid of opportunity, afraid of change.
How can something so beautiful, be so cruel?
Peace and war, a constant battle, fighting for victory.
While I cry for justice behind the screen of a message board.
While I pray for equality as I walk past the homeless on the streets.
I scream in my mind and live without uttering a word.
Such a hypocrite, but aren’t we all?
Afraid to raise my voice and be greeted with silence.
Afraid to be different and be alone.
Afraid to become broken inside when I remain silent.
But what do I know?
A barely educated middle class white teenage girl
Living in a country sworn to loyalty
That turns a blind eye on the deaths of innocent lives.
I am here waiting.
I wait and I wait and I wait
For our “great” country to kill
oppression and discrimination
But the guns are pointed at us,
A few voices shout out after shootings and deaths,
But they never seem to last for that was last week’s news.
Here’s the latest fashion, much more important.
Brainwashed by the white media hiding the racist, sexist, and bigot majority.
Everything is fine when it’s not happening to you.
I feel so small, only one voice out of a million,
But I could shout so loud.
What do I shout?
Will it make a difference?
What can I do to help?
I want to help.
I need to help.
Waiting, waiting, waiting.
Silence, silence, silence.
I can’t be alone.
I can’t be the only one who wants peace.
Police brutality against African-Americans,
discrimination against the Islam religion.
All this in our country that persuades us everything is fine,
It’s not normal to walk down the street
Afraid of being who you are.
If I don’t think it’s normal
That children are murdered at school.
That I want life to not be about waiting for someone else
To make a change that needs to be made.
And I’m sorry
Because I don’t know how to do anything
But open my damn mouth.
Life should be more than just surviving.
Don’t we deserve better than that?
This I learned from a television character
That was killed off because of her sexuality.
LGBT people are killed
In television shows and in real life.
Media is the bridge.
Maybe if there’s equality in media
Less children will be taught to hate,
Less children will be taught to hold a gun,
And less children will be taught to kill.
I hate this, I hate this,
I hate this.
The need to act, to scream,
To start a movement.
Make life not about
Black and white, sexuality,
Nationality, religion, and gender.
But I am just a girl
And media tells me to shut up,
Look pretty and only wear pink on Wednesdays.
How can I disagree without a bounty on my head,
Heart pounding in my ears,
And the fear to look over my shoulder
In case someone’s there?
My death would bring nothing
Except my silence which already exists.
The written words I leave on the page
Will spark your thoughts
Or maybe they will collect dust
On the bottom of my mind.
A white, gay, teenage girl, afraid of the world