I can feel the wind through the windows and my veins and my head is pounding at the thought of you so when she offers me a cigar I say yes and I breathe in the smoke and all I can remember is how I used to breathe in your kisses but now the orange-red glow on cigar and the blue 10:04 on the dashboard are my only guiding lights and I know I told you I’d never smoke but you told me we’d be together so I guess we’re both liars now.

It’s somewhere between one and two but I can’t really be sure because I’m on my third drink and I had half that bottle of fireball because I wanted to find the clarity at the end of it that you always said you found which would bring you crawling back to me but all I have found are the arms of another boy who is holding me for the night since you aren’t here, why aren’t you here?

They woke me up an hour early but I didn’t really mind because I haven’t been sleeping well or much anyways lately since no pillow is as comfy as your chest and no blanket brings the warmth of your arms and she says it’s six but it’s actually 5:52 and I’m wondering if not drunk texting you about how much I miss you is enough of an accomplishment that you would maybe text me back for once

But it probably isn't