I did not go.

I would have gone to the memorial.

I do not know.

What he would say,

I will always wonder,

If I would have expressed my feelings that day.

I sat by his side, quiet and scared, only to look into his eyes if I dared.

Two days later, he sat on the bedside, staring down the barrel that would soon end his life.

He was quiet and scared, and no one was prepared.  

Two kids’ games to end with one shot.

One shot to end the thoughts, the feelings, the love that he held inside his heart and his mind.

My mind, it has never forgot.

Could I have prevented what happened that day?

No. I could not have stopped the loud, painful tragedy,

No matter how hard I would have tried, no matter how hard I would have prayed.

Now I go on with life but some days I pause,

Ten years later and I still think of what I could have done.

I can do nothing except hope for a do-over to erase the memory of what once was.