ode to tyler
galaxies swim through the minds of those who listen to the skies
as they cry at midnight
only the strongest cry at midnight
i cry at midnight
when I cry at midnight
i cry for those who let me live
i cry for you and I and whatever we will never become
i cry for the boy who kissed my hand in kindergarten
i cry for myself in states of pitiful defenselessness
i cry for us and our near kisses at the football game
that was before though
before you
before
before
before
before I started thinking as death as a hug rather than a stab
before I listened to the anxious voices in my head
before I voiced my concerns and my mother brushed it off as "just nervous"
of course im just nervous
before
before
before I was confident
before I was proud
before I was alive
before before before before
i want to go back
i want to go back to when I sat in pale pink bedrooms
and asked a parents permission
i want to go back
before I have to go forward
into this millisecond present and infinite future
where I have to lie to my parents
and sneak out at one a.m. to be able to do anything or exist at all
i want to go back
before
i cry