Proverbs 3:18 Wisdom is a tree of life to those who embrace her;

    happy are those who hold her tightly.

Ecclesiastes 1:18  The greater my wisdom, the greater my grief.

    To increase knowledge only increases sorrow.

1 Corinthians 2:5 I did this so you would trust not in human wisdom but in the power of God.

A visit to the a mission project that seemed failed ... observing my buddy ...

 

Here I’ve got to see you ... just staring in the distance

searching your conscience ... about where you went wrong.

It seems so easy for others ... to penetrate your resistance

for you to admit to self ... where you’re weak or strong.

 

What is it like to serve ... what is reasonable service?

Who should be the first to get ... what God provided freely?

In a dinner setting ... for the hungry and the nervous

who should take the first bite ... the Master or yours truly?

 

What would Jesus do? ... Greater food nourished His body.

Would He have passed the plate ... for others to fill their need?

Why is flesh so selfish ... and takes from everybody

to get what it thinks it deserves at the expense of slave and free?

 

Did not He wash the feet ... of the ones He placed around us?

Did He not make Kings and Lords ... of the so-called servants?

Did He not show the purpose ... of Love that lives within us?

Did He not send His Spirit ... in preparation to enhance?

 

What is in our system ... that we justify our actions?

Why is the deceit in us ... even hidden from ourselves?

Sin has its own rhythm and “goodness” seems a fraction

of the best we can be ... as God provides so well.

 

How hard to be a servant ... and serve the Master first

after working all day long ... inverting all our energy.

Who than is the greatest ... the one who dies from thirst

as he washes the feet of others ... with God’s synergy?

 

If invited at the table ... where do I take my place?

Is it where I want too ... or far from the limelight?

Will it not be better ... to make the floor my case

to gather crumbs that fall ... so my heart will be alright?

 

Is it when I feed my body ... that I take someone else’s labor?

Is it not my just deserve ... what God places in my hands?

I don’t have to care at all ... as my life is just a vapor

in someone else’s will ...  as I don’t seem to understand.

 

Oh! We had so many ... and now only a few.

Why did they leave ... and left us all alone?

It seems so uncanny ... resting in my chosen pew

as I bereave ... the shortcomings of the gone.

 

Where was their commitment ... as I ask them to suffer?

Where was their perseverance when I showed duty’s call?

Did I send them for enhancement ... or just as a buffer

to protect my coherence ... for my welfare after all?

 

When will I learn to depend on the Master?

When will I perceive His Will for my life?

Do I have to earn ... so I can serve faster

the call I can’t believe explained by my wife?

 

I set my expectations in what others now deem right.

I follow the path ... that they are paving before me.

Even my meditation ... has lost most of its light

and joy that last but little ... has evaporated my belief.

 

The cares of this world ... have a great grip on me.

The territory I gave up seems impossible to regain.

Confusion at me hurls ... the loss of being free.

It seems my time is up ... almost calloused from the pain.

 

Now I dream of yesterdays ... when I felt deep excitement.

It seems my past looks brighter than opportunities for tomorrow.

I try to escape today ... in my own bereavement

from failures that enlighten my heart ... caught up in sorrow.

 

Isa 25:7  And he will destroy in this mountain the face of the covering cast over all people, and the veil that is spread over all nations.

Myself in the middle ... I reach out everywhere.

A veil received from others ... I place gladly over my eyes.

My faith seems now a riddle ... in my self protected sphere

as mostly now I’m bothered ... by how I feel. My-oh my!

 

I keep blaming others ... and that keeps me on my feet.

The rock I felt at times before ... now seems sinking sand.

The peace that once was gathered ... has been replaced by my need

to convince self that all is fine ... as all alone I stand.

 

How to turn on this path ... with no place to turn around?

This bed where I can’t rest ... has been made by my pretense.

I learned way too fast ... when my ship ran in the ground

that life is not a test ... at the expense of my friends.

 

The only place to go now ... is to the ones I hurt.

Ask forgiveness for the wrongs ... that I now perceive.

My selfishness somehow blinded me ... really not a first

in my path of service ... in my condition of “make-believe”.

 

Jan Wienen