I don’t know what to do

Sometimes I feel like humankind is a great good in the coming, something that needs to be worked on. A mighty yay!

Other times I feel the question of “Why! Why should I bother?” None of this matters, and I was sentenced to eventual execution from the moment I came to be.

At time the stars serve as a window to wonder of it all, and as why to it all. It maps out the aim of  many failed arrowheads that scream as they are flung, “Someday it will be worth it,   the misery, the mistrust of others, the mistrust of others, and the self loathing” before they are wiped from existence with only a small echo as a reminder.

At the times the laugh of a friend is another to make another, and with that another laugh. But then it pops back, “ it doesn’t matter; they are hollow and they are fleeting”


The world is a gigantic mess of meaningless things.

The faiths held sacred, offer no truths and were born of fear, ignorance, hate, and dead aesops.

Everybody dies, it doesn’t matter the vice or the virtue of the people when they die. They didn't deserve to.

Our bodies are our souls as far as the eye can see, and they were not meant for eternal life.

If we extend our lives our brains would run out of space, and then what?

Upgrade the brain, dummy! Sure, then what? Surely there is a limit to how far it can go on.

Let us face it, we are all doomed unless of course if there is a secret, elusive variable that changes everything.  But I severely doubt it.


People start wars and conflicts over the pettiest of things.

Your ancestors oppressed my ancestors millennium before either on of us existed, and therefore  we must continue the cycle of resentment, of war.

This arbitrary mineral without practical application is also the cause of the mutilation. Or perhaps it is blind want?  


A want without an aim is an all encompassing explosion

A want without an aim is an all encompassing explosion

“Look without and within yourself, do you want that which is immeasurably above yourself?”

Why do you want what you want? Is it all not the same? Is it all not the same?

Meaningless travel is it? What is the difference between being driven by love of a family, and the love of pineapple with lime?

Is either really that different from the other in the spectrum of meaning? Does the pursuit of one produce more virtue or less virtue than the pursuit of another?

Is not all virtue based on variables stirred with the illusion of meaning birthed from complex and arbitrary circumstances?


I want to love life; to say a mighty sacred yay to all of it.

To try to make human into giants with the tools of science and human culture.

To take the mantle of Hephaestus, wether they want to or not.

I would love to give a mighty sacred  yay to the proposed virtues of life.


But I think that it may be disingenuous of me to do so.

I wonder if it is all self defeating, if all virtues and vices are a combination of biology , whose meaning is survival and reproduction, and the evolution of memes does it matter? 

Shouldn’t it all be built on the foundation of what I want and feel?

Still that does not absolve me from my self contempt; is my honesty worth anything?

The Truth is I don’t know, I don’t know, I do not know.


I am still figuring out wether or not any of my end goals are worth anything in the end, and by extension all of my attempts to break the inertia that is I.

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