My life (emotionally) ain't been no crystal stair*

If you don't like what I gotta say I don't care

I've cared for far too long and I'm done

This is too much to keep in and these emotions weigh a ton

 

For those of you who THOUGHT you knew something about my life, think again

Those who decided to judge me based on actions I've done, sit down and listen

 

I'm not saying I'm the hero

But I'm damn sure not the villain

But to those who ASSUMED I was the bad guy, you've got another thing coming

 

My parents had me fresh in college

Daddy left Mommy to raise me all on her own

And because he was still a dude in a Dad's clothes

The government tried to make him man up

and make him reap what he had sown

 

I grew up a little demon

But soon bloomed into a people-shy young flower

One small outburst in the heat of the moment

And every 12-year-old little soul

Wanted to judge me in that hour

 

They all thought my beloved mother was a cool, young mom who spoiled her child

Well they had absolutely no idea how mean she could be and was

While her no-nonsense attitude was mild and well-meaning

The way she'd go about methods of discipline were quite demeaning

 

They've no clue of the bruises I sometimes had to hide

The sadness I carried and hid well at the cost of pride

Because if anyone's good at emotionally hiding, it's me

Burying all those dark and true feelings at the bottom of my Dark Sea

 

Unfortunately now that I'm older

I've grown quite the sharp and bitter tongue

But because I hide it beneath a witty, sarcastic sense of humor

No one will ever be able to tell...unless I tell

 

Of the sour frown that sometimes lurks beneath a sweet smile

Or of the brownish-red eyes of anger that hide behind light-brown orbs

And everyday I look at me no one sees what I see:

 

Beneath the 18-year-old shell

Lies the subconscious of her 12-year-old self

Who sometimes questioned her existence

Who wondered what she truly did to earn her mother's malevolence

 

But no matter

I won't BS myself

I know what I deserved

And more should've been less

 

I don't want anyone's pity

I have no need of it

But the faith and encouragement I've received since then

Beyond makes up for it

 

I could've become colder

To the point of being heartless

But thanks to those who actually cared more than they judged (you know who you are)

I am unbroken

 

Although I will never forget 

Being judged and ignored,

criticized and scorned

I had to remember that humans always judge what they see

They thought they saw it all 

But in the end, they saw nothing

 

*Allusion to "Mother to Son" poem by Langston Hughes