The North Star
I am the north star
that my family prays to
High in the sky burning to it's fullest capacity
Afraid of going dull
I'm fighting
For Them
For Hope
For Myself
Desperately trying to please everyone
to grant them what they hope for
to live up to upheld expectations
to start new traditions
to be someone they could brag and boast about
to be someone they're proud of
I'm scarred and bruised, dodging life's unexpected bullets
that come hurdling my way
And suddenly I feel myself wavering
I feel myself shutting down
I'm wondering If I can do it
I'm drowning in a sudden wave of self doubt
My eyes dart frantically from side to side
I'm looking for a sign
I'm gasping for air, tears prickling my dull eyes
I watch in horror as all my inner demons throw their heads back with wide shit eating grins,
their sadistic chorus of laughter rings through my ears
It's deafening
My body is paralyzed the feeling of defeat coursing through my veins
I'm resigning the fight
It is then that realization shocks me like defibrillators resurrecting someone from death
I look back at my demons, except in place of them I see myself
I squint my eyes in attempt to get a better look but I know it is me.
I am the monster keeping myself from shining bright.
I roar out in resistance
I can feel myself start to breathe
I can feel the resistance dominating the helplessness
I can see myself growing stronger
I can feel myself shining brighter
I feel like the sun
I see the demon disguised as myself withering away into nothing
I have the power
I hold the key
I am in control
I am the north star beaming radiant colors of hope.