The smile in my facebook profile picture is a filter,

one that sends the message that I am happy

 

I put makeup on that day,

but contrary to popular belief, I did it for me

Why should I feel shame for wanting to simply impress myself?

 

After all,

I can’t impress some boy that society doesn’t think I deserve anyways

 

I blew myself a kiss in the mirror after applying 2 shades of lipstick

then I noticed my hair is just like a jungle; messy and untamed

but I am the king of this jungle

curls long enough to twirl you around and spin you into a delusional world

where it’s not okay for me to feel beautiful;

but it’s déjà vu because that world of delusion is the one we live in today

 

in a way my hair acts as a filter too;

Tarzan and Jane seemed to live in these naps

there are too many small minded people for my big hair

when my momma used to do my hair, halfway through I would go look in the mirror

I decided I was gon’ be the next Alicia Keys, half braids, half natural

 

But there was nothing natural about the way I felt about myself

 

In this society, it’s just normal to compare yourself to the girls who are ‘prettier’ than you

To look at them and somehow feel inferior,

but we all need to realize that just because she is beautiful, doesn’t mean you’re not

 

without this makeup, I can still look in the mirror and smile at myself

my reflection will no longer be someone I don’t recognize

 

when you take away these filters I have applied, you may ask,

what is left?

 

some days are worse than others;

some days I only see my fat cheeks,

and the bags under my eyes from a previous night of self loathing

sometimes all I see is that boy in my 8^th grade gym class who referred to me as

‘the fat and ugly girl’

 

and other days I look at myself and say

I made it

 

In today’s society, the cameras see beauty in the negative space,

meaning my beauty is based solely on the idea of whether I have a thigh gap

or high cheekbones

Why can’t my mind be described by the same adjective that photographers look for?

Negative

But no one really wants to hear your problems,

 

The world is too busy of a place to worry about girls like me

and my cries

 

my cries that cry the wrong tone of self esteem

 

but in a world where all you can do is continue no matter the difficulties,

you become a warrior