No Ability to Live Without
The quickness of a sudden breath was all it took.
You were gone.
Picking up the fallen pieces
Of me
Of family
Of the essentialness of my being
I sewed them back slowly
But with the idea that you were somewhere
Good
I couldn’t and can’t
Read the stories
Of the horror of your act
Sprawling you into the deepest
Depths
Of Hell
As a Bleeding Tree
In Pain
Undeserving of happiness
Eternally.
Because while I’ve been
Meandering about
My life
Finding ways to smile and laugh
I’m still broken.
And that sharp blow
Of even thinking you are
In Inferno
Cracks me more
You were good to me
And showed me
Much more beyond
Blood makes family.
Because it doesn’t.
And it shouldn’t.
And that breath I took when I saw
Your life end
Shook me down to my core
And will forever be engrained in
My Heart and Soul
Why should I have to break
Because you wanted
Freedom
From temporary living?
So you better be
Watching over me
Keeping me safe
Keeping our family safe
And you can only do that
From a spiritually happy place
In paradise
And not in
The Seventh Circle
I cannot go on
Believing you are
Completely gone
Suffering
For something
We don’t think
You knew
You were doing.