Fifth grade, the last time I remember feeling normal,

The last time I remember feeling safe.

One moment I was with all my friends, playing hide and seek,

The next, I was in a room full of strangers, trying to figure out how to breathe.

 

MiddleSchool:

A time to meet new people, to make new friends,

But then why was it the time for my nightmare to begin?

 

At school- long, crowded halls.

People looking at me strangely.

Girls, girls all around me.

Whispers, whispers sounding out behind me.

Why is it so hard to make friends?

Why do I feel so alone?

Wasn’t school supposed to be

My home away from home?

 

Home:

My dad is gone.

I don’t know why.

My mom says it’s my fault.

Why?

 

There’s paperwork to fill out.

There are bills to pay.

We need to make our own food.

We need to wash our own clothes.

We have to do our homework.

ALONE.

 

I’m the oldest.

I have to help.

My dad is gone.

My mom is struggling.

I have no friends.

I have to help.

 

I become the fulcrum,

The support for the family.

I start filling out paperwork.

I start cleaning and cooking meals.

I help my brothers with homework.

I wipe away the tears.

 

Time passes.

I adapt.

I become strong and independent.

I become fierce.

 

Back then,

Sixth grade,

I felt so scared.

I felt so alone.

I thought I wouldn’t make it.

I thought school would become impossible.

I thought I would have to give up my dreams,

But I didn’t.

 

If I could go back in time,

If I could see my younger self.

I would hug her.

I would wipe away her tears and tell her everything would be okay.

I would tell her that she made it, 

That she became strong, fierce and independent.

I would tell her that she met some amazing people,

 Who became her best friends, her adopted family.

I would tell her that life at home would get better,

That she wouldn’t have to give up her education.

 

I would run up to her and,

 with tears in my eyes,

A smile on my face,

I would yell,

“You made it!”

Next up: Graduation :)