I felt it.

I felt your hate, even though you never said it.

And I would cry because my life felt like a lie,

because I couldn't be your friend.

If only.

You looked at other girls and laughed and teased.

But not me.

I was a reason to leave the room.

A reason to drop the class.

A reason to stop talking.

Only you didn't stop talking.

You talked to everyone but me.

Even the wall flowers got watered by your sweet praise,

Where I received nothing, but a cold shoulder.

Our talk was not small, it was tiny.

And always only when necessary.

I, racking my brain,

trying to identify my inadequacy,

some deficiency that kept eluding me,

always drew a blank.

Just like your face when you looked at me.

If you looked at me.

And I couldn't decide if you, in fact, hated me,

or loved me.

Because that's what this culture allows us to believe.

That guys will avoid you and treat you like dirt,

because they like you.

And when it got to a point where I had to tell you.

Sit you down and force you to listen.

Hoping to make you feel some form of the guilt and shame

that I had felt ever since I had know you,

you shrugged it off.

You excused your bad behavior.

Making it seem like I had done something wrong.

Like it was my fault,

Saying that it was I who had like you.

Well, I didn't. I hadn't,

the person that I liked treated girls politely.

The person that I liked was kind and thoughtful.

The person that I liked shared jokes with everyone,

made everyone feel included.

Well, everyone but me.

The person I liked was never there at all.

At least not for me.

And so this message is not for him.

But to all the girls who have ever questioned their worth

because some guy was too insecure to express his feelings maturely.

I have learned to pity those guys.

And to stop hating them.

Nor am I angry at myself anymore

for thinking I must be doing something wrong

for all these people to keep turning away.

No, I am angry that we live in a culture

that continues lying to our young girls.

Telling them that “they just have to do better”

or “that's the only way he knows how to express his feelings.

But he really does like you.”

Sure he does.

A guy who likes you will buy you flowers.

A guy who likes you will tell you.

There's nothing wrong with you.

Your only mistake was that

you were only ever too good

to the guys who made you feel

like you were never good enough.