People said it would get easier . But its been 7 years now , since it happend .And honestly it seems to get harder each time . How could i been so slefish and stupid . I would do anything to turn back in time , Maybe then i would not be feeling all this guilt , There was so much i wanted to do and tell you . So much unspoken words . If only i could see you again . I would tell you how much you meant to me , how much i need you . And how am sorry . I would of let you know how important you were in my life . This should of not happend . I wasnt ready yet . I wasnt ready to let you go . You were the only one who understood me . When you died i felt my whole world falling to pieces . As if it wasnt screwed up enough . I cant forget your smile and voice . Makes me smile all the time . Grandpa i miss you . You were just so full of life . Why could i die instead you ? Then i wouldnt be feeling all this pain . Someday ill see you again  .