My Truth Part 1

I've been alone so long with my heart filled with pain. I fake smiles so that no one can see or wonder what truly left these scars inside my brain. My tears are endless every night I cry. Truth is I feel dead inside and can't seem to figure out why God has kept me alive. I've always seen the best in other's even when they use or push me to the side. I haven't been a perfect person many times I have lied, hurt those who have hurt me and let scorn take over my life. I've cheated, back stabbed and trampled over people with my pride. Sometimes I sit and wonder if God has already judged me for the filth I chose instead of Him . Has he sent me down to the pit of hell where joy no longer lives. My truth is that no matter how much I love being a mother I can't be there for my kids. My truth is that I'm a sinner overwhelmed with so much guilt. Often I thought of quitting, running away or taking my life into my own hands to end it with no goodbyes.

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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