Now I am alone

And the only words I can hear are my own

The ones that echo through my head

Ricocheting to all corners of my mind

 

I try to mute the silence but it is too loud to calm

Too loud and too strong

I can’t help but break under the pressure, under the pain

Pain of silence that screams in my ear

The scream that reminds me that I’m alone

 

Alone is not bad, alone is okay

But, okay will not comfort me when my mind explodes

And the silence takes hold

Leaving me bruised and broken on the floor

Clinging to a hope that dissipates with each minute

 

Each minute that passes and I’m lying on that floor

The floor that punches me with its cold unforgiving tiles

The tiles that cut me till I bleed and cry out in pain

A pain so harsh and real

 

A cry so loud no one can hear

And so powerful it shakes me to my core

No matter how loud I wale I’m mute

Mute in the silence for my thoughts have taped my mouth shut

 

Shut so that no one will know,

No one will judge and say “attention seeker”

I can’t breath in my thoughts but I rather suffocate

Then be called “hypochondriac or self-ish”

My self-pain should not inconvenience anyone but myself

My burden is my own to bare and not the hypocrisy we call society

 

I am a prisoner to my own body

A victim to my own crime

A skeleton to my thoughts

And a blemish society turns away from

 

Society so self-consumed in the newest trends and newest celebs

A society where the most watched television program is the SuperBowl,

While the State of Union is barely addressed and people ask who’s Malala

Or a society that values girls as objects and girls that allow that to happen by strutting a stage barely dressed or comp

 

Whatever happened to chivalry and the boy chases girl?

Whatever happened to holding her door not slapping her face?

Whatever happened to guys who prefer love to lust?

Whatever happened to gentlemen?

 

What happened to the society where values mattered and people were judged on their personality not their looks?

What happened to interaction between people not hiding behind a text to have the courage to say what you want to a person?

 

I can’t speak my feelings

I can’t describe the feeling of the blood that trickles down my side

Because the words that are trapped in my mouth know the repercussions for speaking out

 

Self-expression is murdered by violence

And words murdered by terror

For some believe that words are as powerful as bullets

And drawings as powerful as guns

 

You see the problem is there’s no longer respect,

No respect for people’s beliefs

No respect for human dignity

No respect for individuality and understanding

 

But those who kill in the name of peace are nothing more then killers themselves

They shatter peace with the blood they spill.

So when I say a hypocritical society I speak of not just those who support girl power but allow themselves to be subject to sexual stereotypes or guys that call themselves gentlemen but rather close the door on a woman before holding it

 

When I speak of a hypocritical society I speak also of those who kill for peace

For even a first grader knows that peace cannot be achieve through violence

Or stubborn men, self-ish and close-minded individuals, who refuse to adjust

And learn something new

Something that may better not just them but society!

 

So I suffocate in my thoughts

Because if I say one word I’ll regret it before the last syllable leaves my lips

My tears are my little refuge to save me from impending death

And my blood on the cold tiles remind me that I’m not dead yet

A death that will smother me in my screaming silence.