Started at the top of the world back in the 6th grade, was on the honor roll and thought I had life great.  I thought for sure I would be someone amazing someday, but it flipped the other way in my dismay. I fell in love with this girl who was one of a kind, the one you see forever with and a future you wouldn't mind. See it was a middle school relationship and nothing was too serious, but even at that age she had me delirious. I remember our first kiss at that park, holding her close that girl from clark. Holding her hand and walking her to class, man the memories make me miss her so bad. But we always had to sneak to be with each other outside of school, we were young and didn't know what to do.  For two years we stuck together and I don't know how, but a new guy came along and brought our love down. See he was the guy who was with her on the side, when we weren't in love and I lost my pride.  She ended up cheating and my days became dark, bad thoughts already leaving it's mark. They are together until this very day, since 8th grade she's had life made. Was a 4 sport athlete and was on the top team through middle school, but knowing that now to me was really so cool. See I had love for the games I always used to be around, pitching out there on that dirty mound. Tackling people on defense for the football team, remembering now to me is a dream. Running around track for once feeling free, but now I know now it was all behind me. I reached high school with thoughts of a new life. Starting over with all my might. I remember Coaches yelling at me for all of half time, losing my love for the basketball game became the prime. Forced to switch positions in football became my worst fall. I quit and left the team for good, I just wish I could have understood. Before track season came my coach had passed, adding on to the pain that still lasts. I didn't go out even though I should have, honor him watching me from up above. By the time sophomore year came I wasn't involved, still recovering from a heart break I couldnt solve. Thought moving on would be my best course, little did I know I was still filled with remorse. Fell in love with a new girl and it was great for a while, till dark thoughts crept in and I lost it all. She dideverything she could to help me let go, she was amazing and that i will always know. I'm messed up and I left her over and over, she ended up moving on and I never got to show her. I'm not really a bad guy I've just lost too much, but she's gone now and it hurts me like a punch. I loved her alot i really did, times got hard and i got misled. My grandfather got diagnosed with cancer, I let it take over and lost my composure. Shes with a new guy now and I'm proud of her.  I owe her the world and i wish i could show her, but by now i know its over. See they say the worst break ups are the ones left unsaid, and its true to this day as i lay in bed. She was gone before i could say goodbye just like the one before her, leaving me coping i didnt show her. Junior year came and grades never improved, wasn't in sports or involved in school. Alcohol became the rehab and drugs were too close, didn't get involved with them and it still means the most. As I lay here and tell you my story,  I was once a guy on the path for glory. Love ruined me and not many can understand , that losing people you love can change a man. I've loved and I've lost and depression has taken over, and many times I find it hard to stay sober.