My Poker Face


The depth of his words were as thin as a grain of sand,
She's gotten tired of siting here spinning like a top, waiting for the dice to land. 
She let his words rule her for far too long. 
And now she sits here grasping for chips that are gone. 
"why me Lord?" she cries, "what'd I do to deserve this?" 
she knows she shouldn't think that but her words have never been anything short of honest.
She's seeking, she's listening, she's trying to obey, she's figuring it out, Shes making it by following His way. 
When it comes down to it, actions always speak louder. 
She hates herself for believing every last bit of what poured from the lips of that coward. 
She's smarter than that, at least that's what she thought.
So now she's sitting here mourning the havoc he brought. 
She's running in a race she feels shes already lost, trying to learn a lesson He taught so she doesn't ever have to feel this pain, or be this ashamed or lose this game...
She didn't know the rules , she didn't read between the lines, she ignored the signs & believed all the lies. 
She ate it all up. Everything he said. That's when she found herself at rock bottom hanging by a thread, wishing she were dead...

Darkness is darkest right before sunrise, 
& faith the size of a mustard seed began to thrive.
lying with the tile cold against her cheek, 
she got up & flushed the pills down the sink.
She picked up her angel out of her crib & thanked her for giving her a reason to live. 
She opened her Bible & began to recite Psalm 148 all through the night. 
She said "Father, please forgive me for I have sinned. I've put a man on a pedestal over my King. Instead of living by Your word, I've clung to the words of a human being"
Whose actions spoke so loudly She couldn't hear what he was actually saying.
She's let too much sand slip through the hourglass. We aren't promised tomorrow & she let too much time pass. 
It was her move, her turn, she gambled, she invested it all. So she shouldn't be surprised why she took this fall. 
She was able to get up though, by the grace of God & His one & only Son. 
Because of Him, the battle was already won. 
A new woman was born. 
A new hand was dealt. 
This time, the Father, Son, & Holy Spirit are the tools in her belt.
That's a combo worth investing all of her chips, 
Not the lies pouring from that playa's lips. 
She knows the rules now, she sees His signs, she takes the time to read between His lines. 
She soaks up His word and let's His light shine. 
She makes it look easy, others say. They don't know if they could handle if that way. 
It's a constant fight with Satan in her ear, "how you gonna show him love & grace, girl? Don't you remember why he did to you last year?!!"
She replies, "yes I do. & yes it stings. But I live & breathe for the one true King"
"yea right, so what? But what about your daughter??" 
She constantly tells him she's gotta keep showing the unconditional love of the Father. 
Then maybe one day that little girl will get the man & earthly father she deserves. But until then that mommy lives to serve. 
She gets up each morning with God on her mind, some tears & a broken heart; 
She chugs some coffee, not quite ready for the day to start
But there's no time to be sad, no time to show it. 
She's got too much on her plate, too much riding on her to blow it. 
And that little girl...she'd lay her life down for...she'd be devastated for her to know it. 
So she plugs on day by day,
Spending every second she can to pray:
For a little peace to get through the night,
For a little more strength to keep up this fight,
For a time when money isn't so tight, for the guidance to be the light for that little girl she loves with all her might .

It has never been nor ever will be easy, she'd have you know...

This Poker face is just for show.


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