My Personal Curtain
From a tender age we are told
Whether it be by a parent, teacher or other mentor
“Be yourself”
Like it’s the simplest thing in the world
But even if it should be
It’s not
I can’t count the number of times my dad has quoted Shakespeare at me,
“To thine own self be true”
Yeah, I’ve tried being myself
And my reward?
Ridicule! Constant ridicule!
I was myself in grade school, believing it was perfectly fine
And you know what?
My peers started giving me funny looks!
The insults they spouted behind my back came back to me
Stupid, retarded, weird
And it only got worse in middle school
No matter what my family said, what my friends said,
The insults kept raining down
And the worst part?
I started to believe them
I would do anything to stop them
But how could they, if they were only speaking the truth
That I was a stupid freak
I had to change, or at least fake it
Make it look like I wasn’t a stupid freak
Being myself wasn’t bringing me acceptance
Maybe acting “normal” would
That’s why I hid behind my own personal curtain for so long
I revealed my true self, and I was made fun of
I tried hiding to stop the taunts
I was anxious all the time
I sank into a depression in high school
Feeling like no one would ever love me for who I was
That depression only started to fade when I started to show my true self
But even now
After finding friends who like the real me
And a boyfriend who loves the real me
After finally starting to feel happy
Like it’s okay to be me
I’m still reluctant to pull the curtain back completely
The wounds left behind by my elementary school peers
Still linger
Better, but not completely healed
I’m still afraid
Afraid to show the real me
Afraid to be laughed at
Afraid to get hurt again
I still hide
No matter how many times I tell myself
That it’s okay to come out from hiding
I still hide just a little bit