My mistake

My mistake…was not knowing I was suffocating.
backed against the wall of a mental imprisonment.
The words you said twisted into a rope contorted around my neck….
The shackles you forced onto my mind and body left me sinking,
My face below the surface, drowning me,

My mistake, was not knowing how to carry myself,
I fought and lost an internal war with myself long before you…
And when I lay 6 feet below my self esteem was buried right next to me-
The sutures that held me together crumbled at your promising words of
That dripped from your lips like poison.
The tainted words that acted as a hallucinogen only masked your hidden

My mistake… was being reliant on your daily reminder that I was good enough,
it was drilled in my brain leaving a pinhole on the side of my skull that gave you a
direct pathway into my mind-
You found out my secrets, my insecurities, my scars, and my flaws,
And you used them against me.

My mistake, was letting you walk all over me and still come back.
For when you held me in your arms,
it gave you the opportunity to point a steel knife between my shoulder blades.
You traced the edges of my wound and slowly pushed the serrated blade in
deeper and deeper
until blood was pooling at my feet

My mistake, was allowing you to ridicule my every move,
You made sure I knew that everything was my fault and everything I did was
I cried at night….
I was never good enough for you.
The names you called me got so embedded in my mind they caused my head to
until I could not think straight.

My mistake, was not realizing that although you never hit me,
There was never a moment where I thought you wouldn’t.
You would tower over me in every way as I cowered in the corner,
tears staining my cheeks.

My mistake, was not realizing that my mind was your punching bag and my
emotions and insecurities were a damn playground for you to use however you
I walked on eggshells,
I crawled on glass.

My mistake, was not having the strength to pull your dagger out of my own back
until i had dug my own grave.
I was left looking like a fool with bloody finger tips
I should have known-
I should have left long ago
I should have seen the scars from the abuse
but there is no one else to blame but me,
because it is always my fault
It was my fault for not understanding how love can be blind
the shattered mirror reflected a person that was ugly inside and out.
A liar, A cheater, And a controlling and abusive dick..
The scars left from lacerations your words created
gave me the power to pick up the broken glass
and release your poison from my veins.

My freedom was given to me the day your hypocrisy crumbled the walls of my
prison and allowed me to escape you.
I no longer felt your cold barrel pressed into my temple
at every seething word you spat at me,
at every time you told me it was my fault.

There is a reason I say sorry so much now.
I learned to apologized then, but I will not apologize now,
Because the day I was able to break from your chains
was the day I became me.
And my mistake…
was not doing it sooner.

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