It hurt to be alone

So I smiled and talked

Never thinking on my own

Being told it’s ok to be laughed at

And be the clown of my home.

 

I didn’t know why I was told

“I hate you”

I thought I was doing good

Hitting others and punching too

So I didn’t understand why

My sister came back with no lover

And mom cried over someone I never knew.

 

I got scolded for saying no

So I stayed quiet and alone.

Tired of fighting and wanting to know

Burying in books to feel all grown.

 

I was given shelter in the land of make believe

Of cartoons and games, and even music too

I found myself following a trail of creation

Down a rabbit hole of communities

Where characters become anew

Themselves becoming the foundation

Of something so new

 

I got worse and worse when time slipped by

The only comfort I had were my mind and the beats

I felt like I drowned deeper and deeper

In lies of hatred and loneliness

I improved on my drawings

To make them live

Hoping someday I knew what to do

 

Then I found him, the sweetheart of my life

He told me to stop and to find myself

Like a lost puppy I followed him

Giving me sweet words and helping me change

I still hide behind books and beats,

With my only connection being my imagination

But I know myself more than I ever did

And the pain washed away when I needed it to.