One second

Love is the key to pure happiness.

The next, love is nothing but a devilish villain

That poisons all that is real and beautiful.

How could something that feels so right be so wrong?

Like a sinister disease

First, blinding two young and easily swayed targets

The next, lighting fire to satisfaction that plays the role of justification

Justification for the two lovers and their rebellious actions

Regardless of the attention and the dozens of piercing spectacles with quick-to-judge eyes it might draw in.

Then, to finish them off

Love intoxicates the foolish woman’s mind.

She becomes clouded with paranoia, jealousy, and angst.

The love that once was so marvelous and pure

That bloomed like flowers in spring,

That so naturally oozed

Like sweet dew on the tongues of bright green leaves in the morning

Rots.

It becomes lifeless

And then it vanishes.

 

Of course, being the overly hopeful human being that I am,

I await for love’s return on the edge of my rigid, economy-class seat.

The deceiving process quickly comes to an end.

And even from the tiny, fuzzy screen built into the chair

Of the passenger seat in front of me

The story makes its way

Into me

Just a teenage girl,

A second year college student

Flying home to spend time with family.

What a tragic,

Spectacularly overdramatic ending.

 

As the credits run down the screen,

I become incapable of producing any words.

The story came around full circle.

Not the happy ending I hoped for,

But it was realistic.

Justice was served.

 

Who knew that engaging in a two-hour drama

That I randomly flipped to after giving into jetlag

Would inspire me

to write

to imagine

to get lost in my thoughts.

The combination of movements, music, dialogue

The way it pieced together all too perfectly

Made me feel like I was in one of my dreams

Where I feel overly conscious,

Wide awake.

 

Like when I was a little girl,

I could play pretend again in my mind.

Maybe it's that I'm finally realizing after 18 years

That I'm uncomfortable in my own skin…

So much so that I'd rather exist solely in my thoughts:

Free from judgment, from criticism, from society on my every move.

 

Putting these thoughts down

Opens the door to my dangerous wonderland.

This is not the first time.

Movies like these in spaces like these help me unwind and unlock.

I revisit my second home, the secret side of my mind

Full of all those thoughts I keep hidden.

If they truly are my own I cannot be sure.

Maybe it's that part of me that should be locked away forever

Or maybe it's just that I've been stuck on a plane

And I haven't spoken to anyone for six hours.

Maybe it's just that I'm 19 but I feel 13

Or maybe I'm just letting my emotions swallow me up and spit me out.

Then again, it may just be me playing poet (I think it may be just that).

 

I truly am just swimming in my thoughts again.

Oh how safe this feels

Like I'm in a pool outside under the stars,

Gliding in warm waters kissed by the icy air,

Drifting at the top,

My head upwards, gazing at the picturesque scene

Of millions

No billions of stars

Up above me.

 

Turbulance kicks in.

I open my eyes.

I look to the right, out my window, to see the bright cotton candy skies

And the gigantic wing of the plane:

A Difficult to ignore, manmade object in this world

That confirms that I am not in a dream,

But in a world overflowing with human beings.

Men and women:

People,

Each one seems so different to me.

Like we are all of a different species,

My mind can't always make sense of it,

Any of it.

 

Right before I fall any further,

The seatbelt sign turns on.

Turbulence kicks in again.

My imagination turns off

And I slip out the door of

My dangerous wonderland,

Until we meet again.