I once heard taking your own life

is a selfish thing

but now think asking someone

to live when they no longer want to

is even more selfish.

I threw white towels over my mirrors in 2011:

when my grandfather died,

when I gave up on my appearance.

I never took them down because 

I don’t know when grieving stops.

How many pills do I have to pop before

a disoriented night turns into a parasuicide?

When I lie in bed I tend to zoom out,

an out of body experience.

I look down at my recently left body,

fade away to see my house’s chimney.

I start to see the world through a map.

Then I see tree lines

then new jersey

then mountain ranges

the east coast

usa

continents

unlit skies clouds stars meteors galaxies universes

all of a sudden mass genocide and going to work

will have the same effect upon

the landscape and atmosphere of the earth.