To my autistic brother:

The older I get the more I reflect on the past and think about the problems we all had growing up so fast

You were without a true sense of identity in a man and had to rely on my father for strength, which is something I could never understand

Mom has always seen you as her little angel and to shane and I, favored you the best

I know you get frustrated and think things are so easy because it is so convenient for me to hop in the car and drive with such ease

But you see for a while there I had nothing but animosity because as far as I remember between a pregnant sister and you (mom’s number one priority), she never spent much time with me

It has taken me a while to come to terms with reality that dad is always going to be an alcoholic and that mom had to do things that may have seemed unfair for me

Maybe mom thought we hated you but that is not the case,

Your problems with socialization and issues with harsh communication frightened me

During those times I only had my younger brother to turn to so I’m sorry if my then misunderstanding is what effected his mentality

I love you and it would only hurt me to see you disrespected because through you I have learned so much about humanity

That not everyone is perfect and those ‘imperfections’ are what make us complete

That patience is caring and all that we need but most importantly,

Maybe you do have it worse than me.

But brother, I too suffer from a slight form of social anxiety.