Monster in Vans

You wear vans

In the dead of winter

Through sleet and snow

Those canvas kicks

Damp and ragged

From years of treacherous walks

In damp grass

And the rainy wood

Across from your house

 

Your hair

Has never stayed one color

For more than a few feeble months

Brown, red

Purple, blue

Black and blonde

My favorite was black

 

Your eyes burn

The way you stare now

When you see me

And I don’t

I hope your heart convulses

At the memories

The times we spent together

I hope you have nightmares

Of each time I thought of

Holding a blade to my wrist

Because of you…

 

I hope when I pass you by

You smell my perfume

The dainty lace

That wraps me in the love

You never gave me

I hope the fumes make you sick with guilt

And you can no longer take it

 

I hope when you see me cry

You remember

The way your fingers left impressions

On my arms

The way my ribs turned yellow

With every visit to that dark basement

I hope you remember the sound

My skull made as it hit your floor

I hope the sound radiates in your mind

I hope when you close your eyes

You see my lip body on the ground

I hope you feel like a monster

Because that is what you have become

Darling this is what you are

A criminal

A beast

And a bitch

 

When you see me smile

Stop and think

You are not the reason

Behind this Cheshire grin

Feel your heart beat slowly

As you think I have forgotten

But I haven’t

I will look at you

And smile

A smile so perfect

It could only be meant for you

A smile saved

At the corners of my lips

Waiting for the right moment

 

You will feel a pang in your gut

The same feeling I get

Every moment of every day

a sadness so deep

So instinct

You cannot live without it

 

I want to watch your Vans fall apart

With every step you take

I want your rips to turn yellow

I want your arms to bear

My fingerprints

I want you to file away

A deep furrowed frown

I want to play

The monster now

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

            

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