Don’t look at me like that! As if I’ve never opened the bible. As if I haven’t memorized the well glorified scripture John 3:16, as if I haven’t had Matthew 7:1 drilled into my mind “Judge and you shall be judged.”

 

Don’t look at me like that! As if I don’t understand, as if you didn’t teach me the same language you learned as a child. As if I didn’t imagine how anxious you’d be to make me believe. Don’t look at me as if I had a choice.

 

Don’t look at me like that…

As if I didn’t think about how this would affect you. As if I didn’t think about my gay brother and how God doesn’t believe in that “sexual immorality” as said in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 verse 2. As if I didn’t think about my other drug dealing delinquent brother who doesn’t believe at all Galatians chapter 5 verse 21 “people who live like that won’t inherit the kingdom of God!”

 

AND OH MY GOD!!! I’m like a broken fucking record, except instead of repeating the same line I repeat the same book, and it’s all because of you because you made me learn a language that I’m no longer want to be familiar with.

 

Dr. Seuss once said “Be who you are and say what you feel, for those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” And you matter to me so I thought you wouldn’t mind but

 

WHY DID YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT when I told you I’m agnostic? When I pretty much told you that we aren’t speaking the same language. When I pretty much told you I question our existence a little more than you.  You looked at me as if I wanted to add an agnostic child to your failed children collection.

You looked at me as if I meant to be this way…

 

And now I look at myself like you looked at me and I think.

 

I think about my gay brother and how happy he is that he’s finally happy.

I think about my delinquent brother and how he almost got shot telling people he’s no longer in the gang anymore.

I think about myself, and realize that I’m still trying to figure out who I am.

 

And now I look at myself like you looked at me and I think I don’t give a fuck anymore.

 

I think we need to take time to believe that believing takes time.

I think that we have to remember the scripture you drilled into my mind Matthew 7:1 “Judge and you shall be judged.”

I think we have to remember that if you don’t know love then you don’t know God because God is love and according to the language you taught me Deuteronomy 31:8 states clearly “he will not leave you nor forsake you.”

So please, don’t look at me like that.