Moaning Soul

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 00:58 -- JonJon

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If you look at me you'll guess that I'm a very kind hearted southern gentleman who was raised right. A type of person who has a soft spot for anyone in need. A type of person who is willing to help anyone who seeks help. Indeed I am but, behind every kind heart is a hurt soul.

I myself hide my pain and I do indeed camouflage it well. I walk around with my head up high, I socialize with everyone, and I smile as much as I can. But, no one knows about the little nine (9) year old boy that was raped or the eleven (11) year old boy that was shot through the knee trying to save his cousin, or the boy who felt neglected because he had 4 sister who needed constant attention or the boy who had tried to commit suicide.  

    I could never understand what type of people would take a childhood from a nine (9) year old boy. Yes, I was raped at the age of nine (9). I also couldn't understand why we as a race has come so far but still be bound by hatred and, why we always turn towards violence.
 
    The funny thing about it is that my mom never knew any of this until 2011 when I told her. I was in Atlanta when both of these occurred. I stayed with my uncle two years so I could learn to be a man the little man I had left in me. When I told her, we cried for hours and all she could do was apologize and she said "I've been so worried about those things happening to my girls I lost focus on the one son I had." 
 
We I went to get counseling shortly after our conversation. They only told me thing that I already knew and they prescribed me medicine behind medicine. What they fail to realize is that the medicine can not erase memories of pain and suffering that has left a scar stuck on my side.
 
I've gained a lot of confidence over the last 2 year since I told my mom. I'm a senior in high school, I work, I've been accepted into my dream university, I have my own car. I'm doing good for the most part, and I feel as if nothing can hold me back. You can not judge a book by its cover. Like I said I still have to live with this big scar that will not leave, but I have a better support group now.
 
The reason a hurt soul moans is because the soul of a nine year old boy felt as if he had no voice but as a grown man I have a story to tell.
 
    
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