I wonder what it felt like
I wonder what she saw
I wonder where she is now
And I wonder what were her thoughts
Did she see a light?
Did she feel any pain?
Did she mean to hurt us?
Was it all part of her plan?
Did she put the gun below her chin?
Did she cock it in her mouth?
Or did she shoot straight through her heart,
While all alone in her lonely house?
What made her do it this time?
And what made her change her MO?
Was it me, was it a guy, or was it overall life,
That made her want to end the show?
Is she okay now?
Is she in a heaven or hell?
Will she be alright?
Or will she cry out for help?
Was she thinking about us?
Did she think about how we would feel?
Did she leave a note to explain to us,
Why God would leave us with such an ugly deal?
Did she even believe in God at the time?
Did she know he would be disappointed?
Did she even care anymore?
Or was she once again Wiccan?
What my mom did,
It wasn’t right
It hurt us all
When she gave up the fight
But I love my mom
No matter what
Even after everything
Although now that door is shut
I was sitting there
Opening presents for my birthday
When I got a tragic call
One that was more than to my dismay
The night before,
She had shot herself
And left a note bloody
Inside it read:
I’m sorry I hurt you
And I know this is selfish
Forgive me for the things I’ve done
But for you, I have one wish
Don’t make the same mistakes as I
I want only the best for you
So please listen to what I say,
Take care of yourself and your sister too
Make a life of your own
And raise your children good
Don’t get down when things get rough
And do what you know you should
Stay joyous and know I’m watching over you
I’ll guide you when I can
To be sure you make the right choices,
I’ll lend you a helping hand
I love all of my family
And I hope you all know this
I messed up and I screwed up
And now your lives are something I’ll have to miss
But do not worry
I am better now
So know I love you all
And that’s a vow
So mourn for me yesterday
And miss me for today
But tomorrow, rejoice
For happiness is where I shall stay